Twelve years have passed since we last caught a glimpse of thewaterlogged Samara clambering out of the well; twelve years. I want youto remember that because evidently the makers of Rings, the newestinstallment in the series forgot. They forgot that the origin of theirvengeful specter has already been told and the supposed rules ofSamara's curse need maybe a refresher at most. Yet given the fact thisfilm simultaneously ups stakes and downplays expectations I have toask, what are we supposed to be looking at: a reboot? A sequel? A spinoff? I can't honestly tell you what we're supposed to be watching, butwhat it looks like is a really s***ty horror movie – one that plumforgot to bring the scary. Jump scares abound in this movie and ifthat's all it takes to jolt you out of your seat then watch out for theloud claps of car doors closing and umbrellas bursting open. Otherwisethe second scariest thing about this movie is it makes an entire ruralGeorgia town look like the McPoyles from It's Always Sunny(2005-Present).<br><br>After an absurd opening hook provided by the single worst in-flightmovie ever, the film begins with a young teenage couple inexplicablyagog about the legend of Orpheus. Male Meatbag #1 (Roe) is headed offto college leaving Female Meatbag #1 (Ingrid Lutz) to wait for theinevitable turkey drop back in their hometown. The film insinuatesshe's taking care of a sick family member but we never see them and theplot thread drops as soon as Male Meatbag #1 stops answering his phone.Female Meatbag #1 becomes upset and makes her way to the guy's collegewhere we meet (or rather re-meet) Male Meatbag #2 (Galecki). #2 is abiology professor who in addition to barely teaching classes alsosomehow managed to start an experimental death cult to protect himselffrom the cursed tape he recently found. Male Meatbag #1 is involved;Female Meatbag #1 sees the video, Female Meatbag #2 (Teegarden) diesand we all go on a glorious adventure to stop our flat screens fromattacking.<br><br>The main problem that every film in the Ring Series (2002-Present) hasto try to overcome is finding a second act that matters. The conceptall but requires the main source of fright and threat to bookend anarrative dead zone whereby victims anxiously await their fates. TheRing (2002) accomplished this with an engaging mystery. The characterswere given a clear time clock, elevated stakes and clues within thecursed video to give the audience something to play with.<br><br>Rings attempts the same thing, but since the audience should have somecontext (again it's been twelve years), we're all just twiddling ourthumbs waiting for the characters to catch up. The mystery is aslightly different take on the curse (it's also a slightly differentvideo), but it hardly justifies this airless, soulless cash grab.Especially since the Gothic atmosphere of the first is completelyabsent and all we're left with to mull on is a late appearance byVincent D'Onofrio.<br><br>For what it's worth, supporting players Vincent D'Onofrio and JohnnyGalecki outshine the leads in this insipid film like rusted tin cans ina rubbish tip. They're not by any means good, but they wisely play totheir strengths unlike Ingrid Lutz who looks like she's about to bursta blood vessel trying to fake an American accent. Of course incomparison to Roe, she actually looks like she's trying to sell herrole. Roe ambles onto the screen like a last place relay racer whosuddenly decided "I just don't give a f*** anymore." This film is aredundant farce lacking any of the inspiration that made the firstAmerican remake not just good but a J-horror trendsetter. The chillsand thrills are non-existent and story can't help but flounder in a seaof inattention and indecision. What is Rings supposed to be? I honestlythink it might just be a bad joke twelve years in the making.
Drama / Horror
Drama / Horror
Julia becomes worried about her boyfriend, Holt, when he explores the dark urban legend of a mysterious video said to kill the watcher seven days after viewing. She sacrifices herself to save her boyfriend and in doing so makes a horrifying discovery: there is a "movie within the movie" that no one has ever seen before.
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